and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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