Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
