Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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