I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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