wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
