How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
