Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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