I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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