we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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