she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
