I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
