nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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