haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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