the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
