somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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