oh god the rape fog is back!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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