pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize