He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
