Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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