I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
