just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
