remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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