Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
