i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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