sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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