so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have post one night stand depression
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
