Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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