How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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