he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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