i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
