I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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