Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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