Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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