Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
