Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
