peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize