Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Terrible idea I love it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
