I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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