She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
