we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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