we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
