I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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