i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
