Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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