I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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