dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize