I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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