I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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