oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
