Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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