the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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