Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
