He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
