Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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