But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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