Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
