At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You have to summon your inner elephant
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
