Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
