Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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