How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
