I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
