Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there was a trapeze. enough said
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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