I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
