Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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