Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
