it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
