So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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