I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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