im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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