anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
