whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
