Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
