my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
