time to smoke my breakfast
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
