Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
