Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
