I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
